Home at last...

After two months of self inflicted torture at Jaipur, I've finally made it home, at last! On the 23rd of last month, I was informed that I'd been selected as the Sun Ambassador to my institute. Awesome! I'd almost forgot what joy felt like until then. As Sun Ambassador, I get trained in a multitude of Sun Microsystem's technologies such as Open Solaris, Java, Netbeans, Sun Toolkit and a lot more. My job is to conduct tech demos and events in my campus to promote all these technologies among both students and faculty alike. The coolest part is, I even get to code on specific projects of their's and hence get to contribute to open source. And as if that's not enough, I even get paid to do this! What more could I ask for? Four days later I was on a train home. For the first time in two years, I was super excited about going home because I'd really worn myself out throughout my fourth semester and on top of that, I stayed back at Jaipur so that I could continue my work with the institute network. I also thought I'd complete my RHCE examination training from Linux World for which I'd got a 100% scholarship for; although it (sadly) turned out to be a complete waste of my time (since I don't intend on spending 12k to get a certification). Two hours of classes everyday for which the very young and inexperienced teacher of ours teaches only for an hour. He keeps getting things wrong and the sad part is, his working knowledge of Linux is confined ONLY to Red Hat. He hasn't experienced the sheer awesomeness of distros like Debian or Gentoo. Plus, his knowledge was restricted only to whatever he'd learnt after attending a couple of similiar courses. And, he has no developing experience. In my honest opinion, Linux and everything else related to computers, is best learnt alone. But anyways, my decision to stay back this summer has been one of the most rewarding decisions I've ever made in my life. I came to know about the Sun Campus Ambassador post being open and my working knowledge on networking and system administration improved by a factor ten :) . I also worked on firewalls, name servers, proxy servers, SMS alerting systems, VPN and high availability clusters, all of which contributed to a steep learning curve. Apart from the one week of nonsensical politics we had in college during Gaur sir's absence, I'd say these two months have been the most productive months for me so far. Anyways, I hadn't actually reached wonder land yet as I'd just embarked on a two day journey which, as I was to realise soon enough, was without any doubt the closest thing to getting a nine inch nail hammered into your skull. And why was that? Anyone who knows me well enough would guess one out of these three things: brats, brats and brats. You guessed right? Awesome!

Yes, my coupe had a family with a very little 5-6 month old brat and his big sister who had to be the brattiest fucking brat ever (not to mention the fact that the neighbouring coupes had a brat each). The stupid piece of filth could not sit still for no less than 2 seconds. And if you think i'm exaggerating, kindly ask her parents who told me that she couldnt sit still at all. tiI can understand that the little brat couldn't do much but cry, because that's the only thing little brats can do (right?), but that darn swine of a sister of his kept crying for attention while her unfortunate parents tried to attend to the routine diaper changes and what not. I'm sure they must have sinned like crazy to get a kid like that. Her folks tried 'asking' her to keep quiet, but in vain. If I were the parent, I wouldn't resort to words to get the job done. I'd be quick to toss her out of the train, preferrably off a bridge so that the chances of survival are grim and that there is no possibility of some unfortunate passerby having to find her and take her in. For most of the trip, I confined myself to my upper berth and thought of ways to get rid of the brat. I even thought of ways to get rid of the little brat just in case. You can be sure that he'll grow up to be just like his sister. I'd share those thoughts with you but it might end up being too graphic and is hence not appropriate for any age group at all. Luckily, there was a Malayali guy and his mom on their way to Calicut on the side berths. The guy's name was Nikhil and he'd just complete his twelth grade from KV Pattom and hence, I could open up a conversation with him. We talked about how crazy our batches at school were, about the people in Jaipur and a lot of other things. The blasted brats and their incompetent parents (after long last) got down at Madgaon the next evening. The train was running pretty late (five and a half hours to be precise) owing to an engine failure which happened close to an hour after it left Chiplun. I finally reached Shoranur junction at 7:00 AM on Sunday morning. After a wreched two hour long ride by bus, I finally reached home! Mom, Priyamma and Ammamma gave me a warm welcome with nice, long, crisp dosas and stew for breakfast. I mowed down six dosas.

Dial-up blows by the way. For signing into blogger and putting up this post, it took me no less than forty minutes.

Although it feels great to be visiting relatives and friends (after a long time!) I kind of wish I was back at college. Guess I got used to the hectic lifestyle I'd led back there. Hope my mom doesn't see this or I might get bludgeoned with a rolling pin or something. Cheers!

You know someone wants a favour from you when...

Ever felt odd when that person who's always ignored you comes up to you and becomes nice all of a sudden? When that person who's always in the 'I'm busy' mode when you're online suddenly opens a chat conversation and says “Hi! How are you today?”. Well, chances are, Mr/Mrs X wants a favour from you. In this post, I'll give you a little tutorial on how to tell if someone wants something from you. Once you're through with this, you'll be unmasking those hypocritic maggots in no time! I shall move on to a little categorisation based on how cunning the maggot under consideration is. So with no further ado...

NOTE: I don't know what you call such a person, so I guess I'll continue referring to them as maggots throughout this tutorial. No offence to the real maggots which are just nice little crawly creatures who want to make the world a better place.

Level 1 maggot: Loser class

Skill level: poor
Cunningness: poor
Brains: N/A
Sinister rating: 1/10
Signs: You've never had a conversation with him in your entire life, nor will you for many more lives to come, but this person actually walks into your room, sits on your bed and acts as if he's very interested in whatever you're doing. When asked, “Hey, what brings you here?”, he's dumb enough to answer, “Nothing, just dropped by to say hi, we are friends and all aren't we?”. Note, he said friends. Wrong answer. The verdict: maggot!
Comments: The one finger salute works well. Try it out.

Level 2 maggot: Grunt class

Skill level: less than average
Cunningness: less than average
Brains: Rumours are they do have some, but I still go for N/A
Sinister rating: 3/10

Signs: You're sitting in the mess, cursing your rotten luck to be served cattle feed, when the suspected maggot comes running and sits right next to you. You observe he's already had his meal. You also remember you've just given a kick ass presentation that morning. He puts his arm around you like you grew up together only to say, “Hey man! How're you doing? How's your life going?” Note that both the questions are related to you. This is a sure give away. This person has nothing to do with you at all and you're not related. Chances are, he's going to ask you to help him out with his project but he's going to play around for a while before asking you for certain, just to make you feel comfortable.

Comments: Shove your plate up his throat. And then proceed with the one finger salute.

Level 3 maggot: Striker class

Skill level: above average
Cunningness: above average
Brains: A teeny weeny bit. Or maybe not.
Sinister rating: 6/10

Signs: You know there are a lot of people in your friends list who don't give a beep about you and vice versa? That's the kind of people that we're talking about here. Now you're working away in the server room trying to figure out a solution to a problem that has long been elusive. Then, the maggot opens up a chat conversation saying, “hi”. You also note that he's got the 'I'm busy/Don't disturb/away/I'm dead' status message up. The conversation proceeds as follows:

Maggot: hi
You: hi there! ssup?

...10 seconds later...

Maggot: how are you?

... Notice the delay...

You: uh...i'm ok. Wat abt you?

Maggot: i'm fine.

... It's time to slip up you evil scum...

Maggot: wat are you workin on in the server room again?

... Gotcha!...

This is where they all go wrong. The two of you might have been in the same class for maybe two years and it's been a whole two semesters probably since you've been working in the server room and he knows it and you know that he knows it. BUT, he comes out of the blue and decides to ask you what you've been doing all along? It's strange. It's not like he woke up one fine morning and while having coffee, realisation struck, he went OMGWTF and he figured out he didn't know what you've been doing in the server room all along. I'm sorry. What he really wants to do, is to get a conversation going so he can ask you a little while later to check his grades or something of that sort. Dork.

Comments: Tell him he flunked in all his subjects and that he's got a sem back. It works great!

Level 4 maggot: Elite class

Skill level: High
Cunningness: High
Brains: Lots of it. Lots and lots of it. Or then again, I'm just kidding.
Sinister rating: 10/10

Signs: These guys are the mommy's and daddy's of all the above mentioned maggots. They're the pros. If this whole thing was Warcraft, they would be some boss like Nerzhul, the Lich King. They're pretty good at getting what they want from you. They'll plan way in advance as to get what they want from you and how they're going to go about to get it from you. Even people who rule as much as myself are prone to these things. They're a menace and we should all unite to send them to oblivion. Yet again, I'll take the example of a chat conversation but in this case, the hunter won't make it that obvious until at least half an hour.

Elite maggot: Heya... long time! Have you forgotten me kya?
You: oh hi. yeah right. long time!
Elite maggot: So what have you been doing?
You: oh nothing...just working away...
Elite maggot: i c. when're you going home?

...blah blah blah...

...blah blah blah...

...blah blah blah...

20-30 minutes later, the maggot is out of things to talk about...

Elite maggot: temme...howz ur (continued below)

Remember, all this person wants from you is the favour and he/she doesn't give a shit about you or your life, let alone your...

(continued from above) ....girlfriend? ;)

It's a 99% complete give away and this is a sign for you to become cautious. Put up your guard and be on the defense. Or better, do what I do...

You: hey...the connection seems to have some probs here. I might get disconnected any sec...

Elite maggot: wait... can you do me a favour?

And it's at exactly that instant that you turn invisible to the maggot. You have to time this right ok? It's all about practice. But do keep in mind that this depends heavily on the IM client you're using. For example, in Gtalk, it takes a while for the other person to get the message that you're offline. So it's all about preventing the maggot from knowing that you're sure there's that question coming to you.

Comments: Once you turn invisible, either block that person or ignore him/her for at least a century and a half.


So there you go folks. Hope this helps. And don't forget, squish 'em maggots! And an advice to anyone who wants a favour from me; JUST ASK!

The most noteworthy train journey of my life

It was 11:40 AM on the clock as the train shrugged off to a start. My cousins and Anoop hopped off the train with quick goodbyes as they were taken by surprise by the train’s movement. So the train started bobbing just like any other train, and the walls bled silence in the last of the 3rd tier A/C seats where my mom and I had made ourselves comfortable. I am the kind who likes to talk a lot and none of my co-passengers seemed like the kind I could (or wanted to) break the ice with. A couple of oldies, as usual. I don’t know why, but I never find myself seated beside someone near my age, ever! After sitting still for a while not knowing what to do next, I finally decided to go over to the upper berth and to begin with the book my cousin had given me. ‘No God in Sight’ by Altaf Tyrewala. The book was interesting and fast paced and dove deep into human angst. I’m usually enthralled by such material. Be it in books or movies. After lunch, I got back to my book and after around 40 minutes of reading, I noticed that I’d already been through half the book. And to my disappointment I realised the book was only 171 pages long. Darn. So much for entertainment. I decided to get some shut eye so that I could save the book for later and I dozed off. At around 5 o clock, I woke up, and within another hour and a half, I was already done with my book even though I did try to read slowly. I tried to sleep again, failed at the attempt, and got down for a while. The boredom was killing me. It seemed like a game of London statue with everyone sitting still, engrossed in deep thought. When I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, I had dinner with mom and I wished her good night. I was off to sleep at 8.10 PM. Way too early considering my normal time of 1 AM! Now since our tickets had got confirmed out of the waiting list, we didn’t get adjacent seats. So I made my way to seat number 48, a couple of seats away from where I was all day. And to my horror I found a huge north Indian family with not one, not two but FOUR noisy, hyperactive, irritating and obnoxious BRATS!! No I don’t mean kids. I mean BRATS!! Most children I come across are brats. What ever happened to the good ol days when kids like myself used to keep quiet and put up their best behaviour in public? And at home as well? I remember spending most of my childhood on computers and video games. Call me boring if you want but I was obedient, nevertheless. This venn diagram will tell you all you need about today’s kids:

So here I was trying hard to get some sleep but noooooooo… these little monsters just can’t shut up! One was a little baby, and I don’t know how the heck he could pull out a scream that loud! Talk about unwanted decibels. And his mom was even worse. With lullabies that loud (and that horrid), its no big surprise that the kid couldn’t stop crying his brains off. I would have preferred running my nails over a blackboard any day I tell you. And the older brats? Have they learnt to behave in public? I guess not. As I was trying to shield my ears from the screeches around me with a blanket, on the side upper seat, the other brats were actually using me, to climb to the upper berths. I’ve seen myself way too many times on a mirror to know that I DO NOT look like a ladder. As if one screaming hag and its kid wasn’t enough, an old guy in the lot thought it’d be entertaining to keep the lot busy by making the kids sing! Pandora’s Box had just opened itself. I couldn’t take it anymore, I had to do something about this, or risk going insane. Patience (especially with kids) isn’t exactly one of my best virtues. So I took the diplomatic route to problem solving and in the most polite way possible, I asked the elders to get a hold over their kids and to stop climbing over me. I even told/lied that I wasn’t in the best of health. And to my surprise, the family started laughing! And the reply I got after that was as welcome as Osama Bin Laden was in Bush’ Texas ranch, “Bachon hein na? Kelne do.”

WTF?

This isn’t happening.

What kind of people actually allows their kids to bug others, and find it amusing as well? I’m sure they weren’t humans. They couldn’t have been. These are the kind of moments I just wish I had both the following:
a) A gun, preferably a mini-gun (a la the terminator mode) and…
b) A license to kill.

When I figured out that my wish wasn’t going to be answered, I just lay down, and rolled myself and the blanket into a cocoon and subject myself to the heartless torture that these people were inflicting on me. I felt my life force being drained inch by inch. Minutes flew by like hours. And the cybrids’ favourite words echoed through the depths of my mind…Hurt//Maim//Kill…

Brats shouldn’t be allowed in trains. There should be some test prior to boarding to figure out if a child is a brat or not. If yes, not only should he/she be charged double the normal fare, he/she should be seated in the goods carriage. No, brats don’t deserve to sit beside ‘people’. Maybe their parents ought to follow Maddox’s guide to loving their kids… (http://maddox.xmission.com/beat.html)

At around 2 AM in the morning, my tormentors left the train. I was too stricken to even celebrate. I forgot what joy was like. And it was then that I fell asleep for the 1st time since 6 hours.

I dreamt of me and a friend of mine going for archery classes (!?!).

The next morning, when I woke up, the Adam’s family was replaced with an American couple. After I freshened up and noticed that there was no room for (even) me to sit in my mom’s compartment, I took up a place opposite to the American couple. They introduced themselves as Rolfe and Genal (I hope I spelt your name right!). They were a nice couple from Colorado who were on a tour of the country. We talked about politics, did a bit of George Bush bashing, and talked about education, movies and a lot of other things. It was quite a relief considering the ordeal I had to endure the previous night. At 11:00 AM, my journey was over and I got down with my mom at Shoranur station, found my uncle soon enough, and we drove home…sweet home.